Thursday, June 10, 2010

Time to move on

I used to tell myself, regret nothing because at one point it was something you wanted.  However, I cannot help but regret so many of my past decisions.  Besides the obvious horrible exboyfriends, and bad haircuts I truely regret having hurt so many people.  I mostly regret hurting the one person in the world who's love I've never had to question.  I also regret hurting my best friend, we may have had our moments but I completely screwed him all because of my stupid self indulgent lies. 

My husband says he forgives me for what I did but to this day I still feel like nothing is the way it used to be.  I feel like he won't leave me alone, he always has to know where I am and who I'm with.  I guess thats just the curse of having cheated.  I sometimes wish I had my old friends back.  I miss them but everything is so different, and I don't know that I could handle the changes.  I'm so impatient I don't know that I could wait to feel the same way I used to with them.  I think maybe it's time to move on. Time to move on from my guilt, time to move on from feeling like I need certain people in my life, and also the delusions that they even miss me.

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