Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Mistakes Made, Never Forgotten

Its funny how one mistake can change your life forever.  One simple little action without thought can strip you of everything you hold dear.  I so badly want my old life back.  The fun times, the companionship.  I really miss everyone and everything.  My time and energy has been so wasted these past months because of how much I focus on the sadness.  I still don't even feel like the time has passed. The worst part is its not just one stupid mistake.  It was a bunch of mistakes leading up to one very big one.  I used to spend a lot of time treating people very badly and not thinking before reacting.  I kept getting away with it because it was such small petty stuff people just over looked it and forgave me.  Finally I just couldn't get away with it anymore.  I feel at this point even if they did somehow find a way to forgive me, it won't ever be forgotten.  Sometimes I loathe social networking because there are some of my old friends who my stupidness didn't affect however, because they are so much closer with those it did I barely talk to them.  I still cannot find it in me to delete them from my life.  My hope for friendship renewal is fading with every passing day, I'm getting older and its getting harder to find friends who aren't married or have kids.  Not that if I did find new friends I would miss my old friends any less.  They were a huge part of my life and always will be.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Being forgotten by someone I'll never forget

Lately I've been very emotional.  I've really been missing my former bff.  We had a really tough parting of the ways a little over 2 years ago.  I made a huge mistake, took too long and now I lost one of the most important people in my life.  I really want to make things right, but I just don't know what to do and feel like he just doesn't care to make things better between us.  We got together last November and agreed that we're ok with eachother but never really came to a full conclusion.  I feel like at this point I either need to move on or completely reconcile.  I don't want to be bitter towards him or anything but I feel like any time he messages me just to ask me some stupid question its like heartbreaking to know I'm not going to be hanging out with him.  I really wish I had someone to talk to about this.  My husband is too busy playing video games, besides the fact that he's been hearing the same story for the past year and a half.  All my new friends are too new to open up to like that, and my family just doesn't get it.  I miss having him there on holidays, and just being there with me all the time.  We literally went from pretty much being together everyday to a screeching halt and not even talking for almost 2 years.  I think I've just spent too much time and too many tears on this and it needs to come to a head.  I just want closure.