Friday, November 5, 2010


My husband has decided to reconcile with his old friend that he has not spoken to in about a year.  I also decided its no fun to hold on to old grudges over petty little things.  To be honest I don't think I can really remember why we have not spoken with him in a year.  I feel that it should be on a probationary period, I still don't like to be made a fool of.  I'm hoping this doesn't prove to be just a lateral move.  We went to a party at his and his girlfriend's apartment and had a pretty good time.  I quite like her, she's a sweet girl.  I'm reminding myself to keep a distance because we don't plan to stay in Rome much longer so there really is no point in getting all worked up over nothing.  We've also seen where this has lead to before with my husband's friends' girlfriends.  I'm not in the mood to be let down by anyone at this point.  I guess the best thing for me to do is keep my distance and just see what happens.  I think sometimes I really overthink things and don't just let them happen. 

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

My brave face

Its been a very trying past few weeks.  The pontiac broke down, we had to buy a new car.  In the meantime directly after we already spent the money on a brand new car my husband's dad decided to get the pontiac fixed.  On the bright side: we now have 2 cars.  One the other hand: our insurance is going up and we have an expensive car to pay off.  We decided on a 2010 Toyota Carrolla.  She's beautiful and I named her Helena.  Its been slightly stressful trying to figure out the new budget and stick to it.  I just wish I could get my husband to understand we need to be sure to stick to this or we're gonna end up broke.  I also really need to step it up at work and make more sales.  I need to get my own business off the ground and get some out of store makeovers.  Its really the difference between $8 per makeover and $30 per makeover.  I just need to figure something out to get more money. 

Lately I've been very emotionally exhausted.  I'm tired of being sad and trying to keep on a brave face.  My husband doesn't know how to control himself and is constantly falling to pieces so I have to be the strong one.  Sometimes I just want to be the designated basket case.  I don't think my husband picks up on it but my depression has gotten to the point where I really don't get out of bed unless its to go to work. I sleep because even if I'm having a nightmare its better than the reality of my life.  I barely eat and the house work has gone to hell.  I was feeling pretty manic a couple Saturdays ago so I put my energy to good use and cleaned the entire apartment.  It feels like every time I turn around something new crops up for me to be stressed out about.  I never really want to do anything but I push myself.  I feel like I need a hobby something more than makeup but I feel like if I put too much energy into something that isn't making money I'm just wasting my time.  I just need something to distract me.