Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Epic Downturn

I sit here trying my hardest not to freak out but all I can think is my father is dead.  This man I actually have no biological connection to (I was adopted) and I don't exactly feel like we had too much of an emotional connection is dead.  Who was he really?  To me he was some guy who sculked around our house all down trodden and hated.  The poor man was stuck in a family of him and 5 woman all of whom he could not sleep with (so don't get any cheeky ideas that it was any fun for him.)  For as long as I can remember my mother despised my father.  She would talk down to him, and order him around.  Not like in an abusive way but a funny way that we all just accepted.  I just cannot fathom the idea of my parents ever being intimate enough to conceive a child let alone to continuously try enough to adopt 2 daughters and still try after that and successfully conceive 2 of their own flesh and blood daughters.  Ick.  Anyway ...I just never felt very close to him.  I can't say I don't know him because I know his likes and dislikes.  I know his bathing habits, but I don't know him.  I always felt like that was normal, but I'm realizing its not.  I'm becoming increasingly more aware about how disfunct my family is.  At this point disfuntion is the new normal but I always felt that since my parents never got divorced we were 1 of very few unbroken homes which made us better than most.  We are not.  We are just as crazy and disfuntional as any middle class family in a small city can be.