Thursday, March 25, 2010

Gossip Mill

The husband came home from work yesterday with a very sly grin on his face.  I asked him what his deal was and he replied "I know something you don't know."  I was to say the least quite intrigued by what info he may have.  He told me that my now former best friend and her boyfriend have broken up.  I'm not exactly happy it happened, but I do feel that she had this coming.  I don't think this has anything to do with why I have not heard from her since this is a recent development, so I really hope she doesn't think I'll feel sorry for her.  I have spent far too much of my time worrying about why she won't call, txt, or BBM me.  She's made her bed, and now she has to lay in it.  I'm becoming increasingly happy with where my life is headed.  If I could just find a job. 

On to politics.  Our great nation has finally received a health care reform.  I know, its not perfect and it will not fix everything but I feel positive about how this will affect all of us.  There will be an emphasis on physical, mental and female health.  It also widens the range of patients that the government can provide healthcare to.  Another good point is that there will be a new tax credit for small business employers who provide healthcare, which creates an incentive.  I really don't know exactly what my in-laws are so against. 

Question: why is there so much emphasis on the census this year?  Do we really have to fill it out?  What would happen if I don't answer correctly or honestly? Will the feds be after me?

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Hint Taken

I finally decided to take the advice of those around me.  I have assessed my life and decided to remove those who I have tried to contact but refuse to contact me back.  I am not going to sit here and wait for those people to come around.  Obviously they no longer want me as part of their lives, so why should I worry about them?  Don't get me wrong, it took me some time to come to terms with having to do it, and it hurts to let go of more people, but I felt that it had to be done. 

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Untitled Blog Updating You About Me

Lately I've not gotten any responses from my "best friend."  I'm not sure what exactly is going on and I suspect that everything is not ok between us.  I wouldn't know because as I stated I don't get responses.  When something seems amiss with this friend I usually get excuses.  I'm sure that when I finally do get an answer its going to be something along the lines of "school" or "work."  If the reality is what I'm suspecting it is then I would hope she would not even attempt to insult my intelligence.  I hope she will just nut up and tell me what's really going on.  If our friendship is over then I will be hurt because while it lasted it was a pretty good one, but at least I'll know exactly what the problem is and I can have closure on the situation.  The husband tells me it seems as though she's cutting me out, and I should take it one step further and cut her out by deleting her from all my social networking.  However, I feel like that's juvenile and I should try to keep contacting her and find out what the problem is.  On the other hand when you've been messaging someone for 2 months and not getting any response trying to contact turns into stalking.  Maybe it is time to just let go of another one. 

On the family side of things I've been spending most of my time with the only sister I can actually stand.  Which is funny because she's the only sister I've ever used the word "hate" about.  I don't think she's actively trying to help me but whether she knows it or not she really is.  She's been keeping me grounded and from completely breaking down.  I haven't had a panic attack in quite a few days, and she's been making me walk in the mornings with her and her dog.  I've already started feeling better about my body but I feel that I have a long way to go before I can really say I'm completely happy with my physique.  I'm just glad that in all the troubling time I'm going through I really have someone to lean on who isn't going to abandon when she decides I'm no longer good enough to be her friend.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Loose-Knit Family

I feel like my father breaking his hip was a blessing in disguise.  Ever since the day he went into the hospital my family and I have been spending more and more time together.  I feel as though we're all in a pretty good place with eachother.  Don't get me wrong, there is still the occasional "she said/that bitch said" situation but its a little more quietly taken care of than it used to be.  I've always felt a certain distance between my family.  I guess the generation gaps between my sisters and I don't exactly help with that.  I was what most people call a change of life baby.  I don't like to be refered to as an accident, or surprise.  I was adopted.  No, I was not planned on either end of it, I just hate both of those words.  Two of my sisters were planned adoption, and the other two were planned pregnancy.  I always felt a slight bit as though I was an obligation.  I was taken from a bad situation and brought into a good family with a mother and father and four sisters.  The picture perfect family.  (Funny how we don't have even one family portrait.)  I don't think my teenage rebellion years were the best remedy either.  I went through the "goth" phase, and decided my friends were more important to be around (look where that got me.)  I felt that my family was pushy and overbearing.  I never wanted to have anything to do with them so I would smear on black lipstick and run out of the house before anyone could say anything to me.  I know the exact day that changed.  It was my oldest sister's birthday and I came home from a morning coffee run with my friends.  I had to be home, it was one of the few reasons I felt that I did.  I said in my usual holier than thou tone "I can only stay for a while, my friends are waiting for me at Harley's house."  My mother said "whatever" and walked away.  For the first time I felt like my family didn't care what I did, and the strange thing was it hurt.  I didn't understand the feeling so I just left.  Slowly after that incident I started coming around more often and trying to get closer with my family.  The final straw was when I met my husband.  My whole family agrees that he brings the best out of me.  I still don't feel like I've really accomplished much, but the prediction my family had for me was that I was going to die at a young age in a dirty bathtub with a needle in my arm (not that I ever did those kind of drugs, but my family didn't know me very well.)  I guess I'm doing much better than they [and I] thought I would be.  Thriving and actually able to pay my own bills. 

Just recently my parents' 50th anniversary passed and I spent a good portion of the day shopping for a gift and laughing with my second oldest sister.  A very unlikely scenario had this been a year ago or even 3 months ago.  It felt good.  So this brings me to my question ...why am I so depressed?

Growing Strange

This is a story I heard in Wristcutters: A Love Story.  I felt it was worth sharing. 

Once upon a time there was a crooked tree and a straight tree.  They grew next to each other.  Everyday the straight tree would look at the crooked tree and he would say "You're crooked!  You've always been crooked and you'll continue to be crooked!"  "Look at me!  Look at me!" said the straight tree.  "I'm tall and I'm straight!"  Then one day the lumber jacks came into town, they looked around and the manager in charge said "Cut down all the straight trees!"  And that crooked tree is still there to this day, growing strong and growing strange.