Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Chemical Talent

I recently read in Rolling Stone magazine that Activision has confirmed that Kurt Cobain will be a playable character in the new Guitar Hero game. Shame on them! Not only is it generally in poor taste that you can play as him but that you can have him play other songs. I can only stand to think Mr. Cobain is rolling over in his grave. His widow on the other hand has cleverly flip flopped on her feelings about this. Tim Riley, Vice President of Music Affairs for Activision has stated that Love had signed off on this idea and gave Activision the green light to use Cobain's image. Of course she made sure she had her coke covered hand in all of the "creative" process. Maybe Tim Riley didn't say it in so many words, but it is certainly said she helped in creation of the facsimile of Cobain by providing them with photos and videos. Also she hand picked the look of the avatar's hair and clothes. However she has now gone on twitter to state that she never signed off on the avatar and called it "necropheliac." (Someone get this woman a dictionary, PLEASE!) She tried to blame Dave Grohl for this and said he is a "bad seed." This just made me laugh. Dave Grohl on the other hand released a statement saying that he was aware of Kurt's image being used in the game but did not know it was an un-lockable character and could be used with any kind of song the player wants. He asked that Activision do the right thing and re-lock the character.

If Kurt Cobain were alive today do you really think he would ever have even allowed Activision to use his image at all, let alone songs? I don't believe that Cobain would even like the game nor allow them to use his image. Maybe I'm just being redundant but these people are fucking with a dead man's livelihood. In his life Cobain strived to separate himself from conformity and already felt that he was misunderstood, do we really want to do this in his memory? I'm curious about how other people feel about this, please give me your thoughts.

Technical Curiosity

So, I was making sure my husband's alarm was set since he fell asleep early tonight. I know it was wrong to do but I got slightly curious. I checked out his text messages. I trust him, he's never given me a reason not to so I really don't know what made me feel the need to do this. However, I did find a very surprising conversation.

My husband has been talking with an old friend of mine who I no longer talk to for reasons that have blurred over time. I don't know what possessed him to do this but I feel as though this is something that might have been going on for a while. I did get answers to questions that had been buring inside my brain for a while.

Its very difficult for me to open up to people regarding my feels for them unless I know they feel the same way. This prevented me from calling him a long time ago. That and the fact that I was told to never call him again. I know he probably said this out of anger but he is as unpredicable as the wind. I never really knew how to read him. I don't know if it was just his personality or if I was just a bad friend.

I look back on my past and really feel as though I was not a good friend to a good majority of people. I never really listened to what people said, and was quick to drop someone for any given reason. I've been given many undeserved chances, and I've learned to appreciate the people around me. Which brings me to my biggest fear regarding these conversations with my old friend. I'm nervous that my husband will talk him into contacting me again and I've changed quite a bit, and I'm sure that after a year my old friend has as well. I'm not sure that I'm ready for this. I remember things a certain way and I don't do well with abrupt change. Also I'm not sure I'm up for talking about the reason why we stopped talking in the first place. It was a bad time, and the situation was quite embarrassing for me. I'm really torn about this now, and don't have anyone to talk to about it.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Death of a Disco Dancer

I know this is an old subject at this point but this is in my private journal and would like to share it with the world. A billion talking points just sprang to mind when thinking about the situation of Adam "DJ AM" Goldstein's death. (I admit I have been trolling alot of message boards lately.) I will offer the abridged and condensed: we mourn the death of a loved deceased person, but we attempt to celebrate the life of a talented deceased person. Something wrong with Humans, Version, that puts us on the grief train five times a day. I predict (long-standing) that in 10 years obituaries of actors, reality TV stars and Mousketeers will consume all other news unless priorities are set straight - a practical problem spun from an emotional problem. Goldstein's death will be wasted as a message because (short of a scholarship or treatment fund) I assume no single person will take effective action against drug abuse/addiction as a result. Just one more Hollywood burnout, one more person who makes Keith Richards look even more supernatural in comparison. And though empathy is surely a great human asset (FUCK YOU, ROBOTS!), actual care and thought is best spent on things of a tangible nature. The best example I can come up with is Britney Spears. Britney is someone's mother. Two someones, actually. If my mom was a fuckup in her 20's, I'd be aghast if others found her potential demise salivating. Not that anyone is responsible for Britney except for Britney herself, but her untimely death would be another triumph of a celebrity machine that constantly gets away with that shit. I find it all very horrifying.

Pinata Knife Surprise

I'm just a lonely girl, looking for someplace to keep my thoughts. I started my first blog when I was about 15 years old or so, and now I'm 24. Things have changed but it seems like the drama is all still the same. Now I'm married, no children yet. I have all different friends, but in many ways not much has changed.

I'm still the same lonely, insecure little girl I always was. Just an empty cliche. I don't see a difference in myself at all. I try to think I've changed since I was 15. How could someone not change in 9 years? Although, here I sit thinking back on all the mistakes I never learned from, how I always tried so hard to fit in but never really felt comfortable where I was. Was never happy with how things were. I've always been looking for that bigger better deal, not that I know what it is. I look at all my old friends making names for themselves in the world, and here I sit a nameless girl in a brokedown city. If you're reading this you probably have no clue who I am and probably stumbled on this diary as an act of fate. Maybe you need me, maybe I need you. Who knows? Maybe thats just me hoping upon hope that in some way I have a greater purpose in life. Either way odds are you'll never see my name on a billboard, or in lights. I used to dream of being a huge star on broadway but I never really got the ambition to do anything that would get me there. To answer your question yes, you are reading the diary entry of a bored, lazy person.

I overthink things all the time. I always think about how my life could be different. What steps could I have taken to change myself? What if I just stopped blaming the world around me for how bad my life is and just did something about it? I guess thats why they say in life there will always be more questions than answers. I know what you're thinking: "Who says that!?" I guess I do, I don't really know anyone else personally who does. Just myself.