Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Pinata Knife Surprise

I'm just a lonely girl, looking for someplace to keep my thoughts. I started my first blog when I was about 15 years old or so, and now I'm 24. Things have changed but it seems like the drama is all still the same. Now I'm married, no children yet. I have all different friends, but in many ways not much has changed.

I'm still the same lonely, insecure little girl I always was. Just an empty cliche. I don't see a difference in myself at all. I try to think I've changed since I was 15. How could someone not change in 9 years? Although, here I sit thinking back on all the mistakes I never learned from, how I always tried so hard to fit in but never really felt comfortable where I was. Was never happy with how things were. I've always been looking for that bigger better deal, not that I know what it is. I look at all my old friends making names for themselves in the world, and here I sit a nameless girl in a brokedown city. If you're reading this you probably have no clue who I am and probably stumbled on this diary as an act of fate. Maybe you need me, maybe I need you. Who knows? Maybe thats just me hoping upon hope that in some way I have a greater purpose in life. Either way odds are you'll never see my name on a billboard, or in lights. I used to dream of being a huge star on broadway but I never really got the ambition to do anything that would get me there. To answer your question yes, you are reading the diary entry of a bored, lazy person.

I overthink things all the time. I always think about how my life could be different. What steps could I have taken to change myself? What if I just stopped blaming the world around me for how bad my life is and just did something about it? I guess thats why they say in life there will always be more questions than answers. I know what you're thinking: "Who says that!?" I guess I do, I don't really know anyone else personally who does. Just myself.

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