Family Values

Visiting my dad in the nursing home is always a learning experience.  Last night after our visit I decided to go to dinner with my sister and mother.  We were ribbing my mother about how she's been acting since our father broke his hip.  She's been attentive and just completely unlike herself.  Growing up I always thought my parents hated eachother and could never for the life of me understand why they would stay married, however I did revel in the fact that I was the only person among my friends who's parents were still married.  I learned about divorce at a very young age and just wondered why other people would do that, why not do what my parents did?  Separate beds sounded like a great idea.  Then the separate bedroom thing happened and I wondered why my parents didn't just follow the rest of the world and get divorced.  I decided to embrace the quirk in my family and make jokes about it.  Meanwhile the rest of my family was keeping secrets from me.  Since I was so much younger than the rest of my sisters I was a little slow on the uptake when it came to just about anything.  People would always stop talking when I came in the room or speak in hushed tones.  Sometimes I picked up on things, mostly dirty jokes, sometimes I was too involved with my barbie dolls to care about whatever the secret was.  Now that I'm grown people are becoming more bold about talking about things in front of me.  The problem is not only am I in the know about the present but a multitude of secrets are being let loose.  It is becoming a lot to take in and not helping with my depression and anxiety. 

I'm not actively trying to be morbid but seeing my father in a nursing home and the recent loss of my mother's sister is constantly making me think of death.  All I think of is how in my aunt's obituary it states how she was so in love with her husband and how they had such a great relationship.  What are my sisters and I supposed to submit to our local newspaper about our parents?  "After a long bitter life together we're sure they're happy to be dead."  I used to think my family was quirky and funny and semi-normal but the more I look around the more secrets I uncover and realize how screwed up we are.