Estranged

Recently I woke from a nap and heard the husband in the other room talking to someone on the PS3 network.  I had to use the bathroom so after that I decided to check out the scene, and be nosy.  I walked in and everything was business as usual.  I figured he was talking to one of the regulars.  Alas, to my surprise he was chatting it up with he who dumped me as a friend as noted in a previous blog.  I got upset, and sometimes I can control it, but this was just too much.  I'm really not one to tell my husband who to and not to be friends with but this proved to be a special circumstance.  This person hurt me very deeply.  I understand that the photos his fiance found may have hurt her, but that was back in November and the pix were from 10th grade! (No I will not let this go until she does.)  Instead of defending me he rolled over.  If I were in his shoes and my husband gave me an ultimatum I would have scoffed in his face.  Pretty much any friend I had with the exception of one have been around long before my husband came around, therefore resulting me in not choosing and telling him to shut up, or choosing the friend.  I'm not going to choose my husband over a friend, nor vice versa unless it really comes down to something serious.  I felt like dirt when he just stopped contacting me, as if it weren't enough that he moved almost 900 miles away.  Anyway, I got all in a tizzy about this little crime I was witnessing and my husband could not understand for the life of him why it bothered me.  WHY DOES IT BOTHER ME?! Did he really ask that question?? I couldn't believe it.  It only further proves my point that no one understands how I feel.  I can scream and cry and whine and complain but still no one gets it.  I have no one to turn to and these past couple months when I needed someone most, there was no one to turn to.  I have had plenty of acquaintances but no one who is really there for me.  Even my husband feels a bit like a stranger.  I crave that feeling of closeness.  Someone who understands me, and can almost read my mind.  Someone who understands how lonely I truely am and will tell me its all going to be ok.