Hey, Nightmare, where'd you get them teeth?

I had a dream last night that can only be described as extremely strange.  I dreamt that I was being led to a cemetery by a disembodied voice.  It told me to look for a specific person.   I walked into the cemetery and went where the voice told me.  I never did find her or her grave site. I saw a row of coffins all covered in dirt but not quite buried.  I got startled and fell backward. I struck my head on a tombstone.  I turned to look at it and it had the name "Jason" on it.  That is not who I was looking for, and I only really know one Jason.  When I looked back one of the coffins opened and there was a decomposed body inside.  I was trying to find a way out of the cemetery but could not find where I came in.  I just kept seeing rows and rows of dug up coffins. 

Obviously what stuck out most to me was the coffins.  I looked up coffins in dreams to see what this would mean and this is what I found.  Coffins may signify your thoughts and fears about death.  When you see a body in a coffin it signifies that you are going through a period of depression. You may feel confined, restricted and that you are lacking personal freedom. There may be a dead or decaying situation or issue in your life that needs to be addressed. It is time to end this situation or relationship. Coffins can also represent ideas and habits that you are no longer of use and can be buried. 

This very much fits my current situations.  The depression is very obvious.  I've been depressed about losing 2 more friends, my weight gain, my family, and not being able to find a job.  I do very much feel a lack of personal freedom. Everything I do lately is on other people's time.  The dead/decaying situation is my former friends who I just decided to finally remove.  However, there has not been any closure on either situation.  All that has happened is I've deleted her from my BBM contacts list and also my facebook friends.  Either she has yet to take notice of these changes or she has decided to completely ignore them. I would love to be able to say it doesn't bother me and I'm trying not to let it, however, it feels awful that someone could just forget me like that and go about their business as if I never existed.  I also feel this way about another of my friends.  He moved to NC with his "fiance."  Everything was fine for a while, he was even supposed to come visit for a day or 2 back in November but I never heard back from him.  Come to find out his fiance found some old photos on his computer from highschool and she got pissed that he never deleted them.  He swore up and down that he forgot he even had them.  This girl has been jealous of our friendship from the very first day.  I still remember the first day I met her.  She kept sitting in his lap and kissing him like she was marking her territory.  Dumb cow didn't even stop to think I might not even care for him that way.  Obviously we didn't work out back in highschool why would it be different now?  Anyway ...when she found the photos she forbid him to contact me anymore.  We still kept in touch via email, and PS3 network.  Then one day I made the mistake of commenting on one of his facebook posts.  Needless to say she saw it and as far as I can tell he got into major trouble.  I then emailed him and apologized that I was the cause of so much of his grief and we should probably just end it there.  I didn't expect that he would let it go that easily, but he did.  Now all I want to do is hop on an airplane to NC get to their house, knock on the door and when she answers wag my finger in her face and tell her how horrible I think she is being.  I made mistakes in my life, and I'm trying to change myself for the better.  Hopefully these dreams will not continue.

Conventional Honesty

I know I'm not exactly the perfect friend. Not perfect by any stretch of the mind, but I try. I express concern, elation, or whatever emotion is warranted for any given moment. I present these emotions with the most sincerity I can express. As I said I'm not perfect, I do the wrong thing sometimes, I make bad choices and say things I probably shouldn't say, but I'm not actively trying to make the wrong choice, therefore I do try to rectify any wrong doing when presented to me.



Lately I have been going through a pretty rough time. My emotions are quite manic lately and hard to get me out of my emotional state. I've been sleeping more than I should and snapping at things I shouldn't be. Its difficult to act that way and feel that I'm doing it and knowing its wrong but still doing it. Thats all a part of being a manic depressive though, isn't it? On top of that my father was admitted into the hospital today with a broken hip. He's not exactly a spring chicken, he's well into his late 70's and very fraile. I fear we are close to the end of my father's life. Whether it be 2 weeks, or 2 years I just feel like its far to close. But, I digress. I feel in these times I need my best friend to be by my side or at least express some sort of regard for the goings on in my life. I know she is going through some stuff in her life and I have expressed concern for her, however I feel that I'm not getting that back. I know it sounds more like I'm bragging and making myself into some sort of saint but I promise I'm only saying this to make a point. I'm tired of giving and never getting anything back. I feel that she can put her problems aside for 5 minutes to as if I'm alright. Isn't that what friendship is about? Give and take, 50/50. Not I give, you take.



I do get concern in small doses from people who are not quite as close to me, not that their concern for my well-being or my father's means any less than my "best friend's" but lets face it, its not the same as when it comes from your best friend. It makes you feel closer to them, like you really have someone who cares about you. Well I don't.

Perfectly Lonely

Time goes by quickly. It really does and there is nothing you can do about it. I feel like for the past year or so I've been slipping closer and closer to insanity. I've been crying, nay screaming for help but no one is there when I turn around. I'm surrounded by people who hear what I'm saying but never really listen to my words. I feel as though I used to be on top of the world but now I just carry the weight of it on my shoulders.

People always say "its about the quality not the quantity." They say it about everything, belongings, and friends. I've taken a good look around and I don't have much of anything. The quality isn't so great either. Does this make me a poor person?